Morning extremely windy and disagreeable. I did not go out of the House during the day. Occupied in copying until the mail came in when I received two letters from Abby, one from her at Boston and the other at New York. They were both extremely pleasant and the latter more especially devoted to the discussion of the matter of our marriage. 294In the afternoon I sat down and answered it fully. She seems timid on the subject and not conscious how to act, and there is something which I cannot understand influencing her. Evening quietly with my Mother.
The weather which for some days has been windy and boisterous is now settling into a clear cold, and announcing to us the approach of Winter. Morning occupied in writing. Little of any consequence has taken place of late and my Journal is more dull than usual. I feel anxious to be in Boston, and still feel a little disagreeably at the idea of the life I must lead when I get there. Time is now passing over rapidly however. I went to ride with my Mother, and found it quite cold, the Carriage being open. Afternoon passed in reading Mr. Burke and evening much as usual.
Morning passed much as usual, copying a portion of the time and doing nothing more. I am ashamed to be obliged to record so often my indolent habit of life but as I am strongly in hopes it will soon cease, this is my consolation. Went out with John and Mr. Smith to the races today. This practice seems to be going out of vogue here for this was a very slender course. The riding also was quite poor, and as the day did not make exposure the most agreeable thing in the world, I was delighted to be able to return home. I then went out and took a ride with my Mother, after which, the afternoon was filled up with a letter to my friend Richardson.1 Evening at home. Bagatelle with Mrs. Smith.
This morning passed in reading Mr. Burke on the sublime after copying a little. Found myself threatened with a head ache, and had one of my terrible fits of low spirits. Received a letter from Abby which I answered immediately. She is enjoying herself in New York. My head became so bad, I declined going to the races, but rode afterwards in an open Carriage with my Mother. The pain increased until after my return when it went off and during the rest of the day I had little or nothing of it. If I could keep my thoughts pleasantly employed and not harass my mind with the particular terms under which I suffer so much, it would be much to my advantage, this kind of life will not do.