Morning at the Office, occupied in reading Law. Nothing of any consequence occurred. Dined at Mr. Frothingham’s. Why is it that 346I should be more than fully tried? I detest these family affairs among “my wife’s relations.” This is the plain sense of my feelings. I am tried1 of going about to people’s houses as a pensioner, and I am tried of trying to be intimate where the difference of manners and feelings and character is such as to prevent the possibility of it. If this is to be a perpetuity, it is a curse, and I shall have eminent reason to repent my marriage. I hope this will not be the result. I love Abby dearly for herself alone, and I do not wish to marry her family. Had I seen her here, instead of at Washington where she was alone, I think I never should have had courage to pierce this Army. Evening, reading Pelham. My head ached, because out of complaisance I drank too much wine. Pleasant conversation with George.
Thus in MS, here and again in this line, but probably both are slips of the pen for “tired.”
Morning at the Office. Suffering under a head ach, the consequence of the wine. I have become so unaccustomed to this article that it has a very unfavourable influence upon my nerves. Received quite a pleasant letter from my Aunt Smith which I answered directly.1 But my reply did not have the point I wished, as my spirits were not high. The wit which formerly sparkled in my letters is nearly extinct. My character is not what it was. It is useless to trace the causes of the influence which has changed it for I know them well.
A little law. Afternoon, Pelham, very interesting. Rather a singular book, but containing much sense, and observation of character. Exaggerated as such books generally are for it is difficult to avoid this in a Novel, and besides, it is easy to call a thing extravagant though much in human life can be found too high wrought even for the wildest scene of a Novel. Yet as we see little out of the common life, in general, we pronounce all equally impossible. Evening, dressed for a Supper party. Had on a Coat which I have never worn before and which I had hoped first to put on for a different occasion.2 My spirits were depressed by it and by the unexpected idea of the Company I was to enter. Mrs. Ignatius Sargent gave the Party and it was very handsome, but the character of the Company was not pleasant to me being People in whom I took no interest, and with whom I have very little in common. My great dislike to this kind of society is that I feel myself in some measure invited on Abby’s account, as a pendant, and this entirely stiffens me. Sat between Abby and Mrs. Frothingham but had a stupid time.347
Both Mrs. Smith’s letter and the reply are missing.
See entry for 6 Nov. 1828, above.