Missed Morning Prayers and recitations all day. My feelings to day were not of a sort to feel proud of. My mouth felt very much parched and I felt myself considerably under the influence of fever. As Chapman and Lothrop could not boast much we tried a walk this morning, but I returned still having some of last evenings dizziness. In fact I never was so much affected by an affair of this kind in my life. I was not intoxicated for I went to bed perfectly conscious of my actions and with a perfect command over myself. But I had drunk nearly a bottle and a half of this Champagne Wine and felt quite loaded in consequence. Not being inclined to remain alone and the house appearing much like myself I paid visits at Greenough’s room and Brenan’s. J. Otis was at the former. Greenough looked suspicious and Otis con•
gratulated me on my appearance. After some very insipid conversation on subjects of no importance I returned home, spent half an hour at Wheatland’s and then attended Mr. Farrar’s lecture on Galvanism. He gave us some account of the instrument called the Voltaic battery and exhibited the effects of different metals on frogs. I should like to have attended more to this lecture, but I was so exhausted, I dropped asleep, although I made exertions to the contrary. My feelings were not of a nature to be envied. This volume is intended to portray my actions and passions to myself candidly so that I will conceal nothing. This has given me a lesson in this respect which I shall take care to notice. I accomplished nothing this morning. It was wasted in an attempt to introduce comfort again to my room. I could eat no dinner, trying a little soup—my stomach refused it and I was compelled to arise from table to throw it up. This had an excellent effect, had I taken warm water this morning I should have been saved all this. Although it was my turn to declaim this afternoon I felt myself entirely unable so I gave up the idea of attending and immediately went to bed. My exhaustion carried me to sleep in five minutes and I again awoke at four o’clock having derived much benefit from this. The rest of the afternoon was spent in a gradual recovery and by tea time I had very nearly recovered from my indisposition. My lips being now the only difficulty as they felt very dry still. This has been the case always after drinking wine of late which evidently proves my blood to be in a heated state. Indeed if I do not feel better I have made up my mind to ask leave of absence from the President for the rest of the term.
To amuse myself as much as possible, I took up the Sentimental Journey1
and read some pages in it but found myself entirely dead to all it’s sweetest passages and could not laugh at it’s nonsense. So I threw it up and tried the fourth Canto of Don Juan but this had as little power over me, the beautiful description of the death of Haidee sounded like lame Poetry to me. I fell into a passion with the stanza and was disgusted with the levity of my friend the singer. Satisfied that this was doing me no good I read a few letters in the first volume of Voltaire’s General Correspondence.2
They were written in youth and therefore of not much use or beauty. Now and then a striking remark but nothing to show a future Voltaire. I read two Chapters of the Bible today also, for the first time for a great while. I do not recollect having read one before for three or four years. By this variety I managed to pass through a bleak and cold afternoon. My appetite was considerably restored for tea.
Dwight went this morning. I had no time to see him and find what
was the state of his temper. Although I should be sorry to have him recollect the circumstances of last night’s affair to make a difference today, yet I should not be surprised knowing his character as I do, if he did take this course. Indeed I think it a happy thing that he departs for in the vacation he will have time to reconsider his conduct on this Evening and repent his violence. I am not conscious of being an ungenerous man nor of grudging any thing when there is any satisfaction to be obtained on either side but I feared much the taking off a feeling of caution from one or two as I had heard of a similar case a few days back where one of a party destroyed every glass in the room for amusement. This could not be agreable to any of the rest. In such a scene as last night’s there was much to make each man sorry. Richardson for his unpleasant noise, Dwight for his obstinacy, Chapman and I for anger and so on. Perhaps we shall not be on such pleasant terms in future. I know nothing of this however, and if I have a trial, shall endeavour to suppress my injured feelings as much as possible.
In the Evening I was at Wheatlands with a number of Seniors who, it seems have smelt a rat and gave us strong intimations that they knew what we had been doing. After some conversation about craniology3
and nonsense I went down and spent the rest of the Evening writing my Journal. I did not read Young to night, because he was too gloomy for evening and the state of my nerves so I postponed until tomorrow. X:15.
1. JQA’s copy of Laurence Sterne’s Works, 10 vols., London, 1780, is in the Stone Library, as are two other editions which CFA acquired subsequent to this entry—one published in London, 1823, in 4 vols., but containing an inscription from John H. Richardson dated 1825; the other published in London, 1802, in 7 vols., containing the signature of P. C. Brooks, whom CFA did not know at this point.
2. The Stone Library contains two copies of Voltaire’s OEuvres complètes,
one published at Deux-Ponts in 1791–1792, in 100 vols., the other, no place indicated, in 1785, 16 vols. A set of Voltaire’s OEuvres,
37 vols., Genève, 1775, is among JA’s books in tine Boston Public Library (
Catalogue of JA’s Library
, p. 258).