We went to Lebanon and passed ten horrible days there. My birth day among them which we celebrated as usual with Champagne. I believe however that no man in the world ever suffered more mentally than I did. But my Mother was inflexible. She was fixed upon wandering about the country with no fixed purpose and with no intent. She has since suffered severely for it. The recollection of the time is beyond measure painful as it made me think what I dare not express even to myself. There are times when dejection goes with me to such a length that I would gladly be released from all the turmoil of this miserable world. I will spare my feelings the recital of the forced gaiety I was obliged to assume, of the misery I suffered, and finally come to the time when I had prevailed upon my Mother to return home.