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Browsing: Diary of Charles Francis Adams, Volume 2


Docno: ADMS-13-02-02-0003-0002-0011

Author: CFA
Date: 1827-02-11

Sunday. 11th.

What individual can describe the particular state of his feelings upon a case involving every thing of interest to him in the world? Upon a case where the whole of his future existence depends upon the exercise of his reasonable judgment? When all his passions are in array against him? I cannot reflect upon the subject without trepidation although I see no occasion for it. I found Miss B. alone. Mr. and Mrs. E. had gone to Church. In the course of about two hours that I remained with her, I received the decision of her feelings: subject however to the revising decision of her father. So far I am favoured enough. She did not conceal from me her opinion that her father { 106 } would make difficulties, an opinion which she said both Mr. and Mrs. E. concurred in. She requested me to see him as she looked upon him as her guardian in the absence of her natural parent.
They returned from Church, but as the Speaker of the House was with Mr. E. and John called for me to go and ride, I had no opportunity of seeing him, then. But as it was very desirable that I should see him before he wrote to Mr. B. I went after dinner and explained my views to him. He told me that Mr. B. was one of those gentlemen who imagine that their daughter’s fate is entirely in their own hands, and that her will is not to be a subject of much consideration. He said that probably he would make some objection upon the score of age but he did not know whether it would be final or only temporary. This was the substance of what he said, and after a few questions upon my father’s opinion etc. etc., I left him. My father knows nothing of this but I thought it unnecessary to make much of the affair to others until I was sure it would be really an affair. And as I know that his consent will not be withheld provided I am not unreasonable, I am not anxious about that. He has explained his principles very fully on that point. I never passed twenty four hours of equal mental excitement during the whole course of my life. I was entirely made sick by my feelings.