Arose considerably refreshed although feeling still quite feverish in consequence of which I determined to absent myself from the College Exercises until I should be able to get my name out. In order to preserve myself from a severe attack I took some Medicine, we making quite a party of it, for Tudor and Sheafe accompanied me. The morning I spent in a very desultory way. I read two parts more of Night Thoughts. This is a remarkable poem. Perfectly original and perfectly
gloomy, it gives us a picture of human life which could very easily influence every man in a state of misfortune to destroy himself. For me it is very much against the present state of my feelings to read it, they are sufficiently affected at present without wishing to make them worse. I have also got so well satisfied with the world that I am inclined to think this man’s representations of it are very much strained nor am I desirous to believe that we must guide all our life in the course which should lead to a good death, the sole end of our existence. Death is but a moment and although a painful one it does not require much more preparation than that which sickness gives. As to deathbed repentances which men make so much noise about I do not estimate them of any value for it is the most convenient way of going when there is no choice left. And although when a man is suddenly killed, he is said to be hurried into eternity I doubt not but he has as fair a chance of getting a good decision as if he lamented his sins when he could perform them nomore. In my opinion a man who dies at something over sixty and very suddenly is perfectly to be envied. The anticipation of it is much worse than the thing itself. I also wrote one page of my Journal and copied two or three short extracts into my Common Place Book.
The rest of the Morning was wasted in conversation with Tudor, Richardson, Wheatland and Sheafe. Our tempers are all very much soured by the extreme length of the term and by the disagreable temper of Richardson—who is perpetually quarrelling with Wheatland, put up to it by the foolish representations of the rest of the Members of the house. Independence is not in the nature of this young man, he therefore at this time only makes a disturbance which puts all out of temper without giving them a higher opinion of him. Tudor has been until today in this week more unpleasant than I ever saw him before. Sheafe is dreadfully affected by the affair of the other night. Otis has gone to town. I was obliged to keep myself on a diet all day today for which I expect presently to feel much better. Though I cannot but allow that I purchase it [at] a considerable rate.
In the afternoon I read two more parts of Young’s Night Thoughts and took a walk to the Bookstore with Tudor in order to assist my Medicine in its Operation. We met Lothrop who appears to be quite well. Young managed to extend his ideas to a most unreasonable length. In fact with all his sublimity he makes every one wish he could be more concise. I could not help remarking the great degree of study which prevails. Almost every line is a period which tires much, a man merely reading Poetry for his pleasure.
At supper we were informed of the expulsion of three of our classmates. Allen 2d., Dewey1
and Fessenden. The course of this last has been remarkable. And as I have had something to do with him in my life I shall mention it. I knew him first at the Latin School in Boston in 1817. A boy then of pretty good parts, excellent nature and very studious. I knew him for two years during which he was very diligent indeed. The next time he came under my notice was just before we entered College when I thought, I perceived a relaxation, he having become too easily the first at that School. From associating with Langdon and Loring2
he obtained dissipated tastes and was envious of me because I had command of Money and of dash. This I too plainly perceived and was the first mark by which I thought ill of him. He entered College and lived with Loring. This was his ruin. Loring in fifteen months by a terrible course of dissipation ruined himself for this world. Fessenden by falling into this society was not possessed of sufficient energy to withdraw and fell. The most notable example, I have ever met of blasted hopes and merit destroyed by a concurrence of ill fated circumstances. Although I long since quarrelled violently with him, I am sorry to think of his fate. He deserved his punishment for he had been guilty of many vicious deeds and had lost all sense of shame. He had been seen riding between two women of the town on Sunday afternoon before the Colleges.3
Allen and Dewey are not worthy of so much notice. They are the remains of a gang which has long infested our class and which has of late bid fair to corrupt half the class.
In the evening, not having any thing to do I paid Tudor a long visit and talked on the subject of religion for some time. Perhaps I disclosed my opinions rather too freely before Wheatland, for he might take an estimate of my character which would injure me as he is unrestrained in his temper and malevolent in his disposition. X:15.