I walked to the Capitol in the morning but finding that nothing interesting was going on I just marched down again. Political world somewhat interested by the Creek treaty.1
In the evening I went to Baron de Mareuil’s last party. As this evening was one of considerable interest to me, I shall write the occurrences of it as much in detail as possible in order to remember it in after times, if it shall please God to continue my life. I had not been more than ten minutes there before I found Miss Brooks. She looked remarkably well, and was dressed much better than usual. After dancing with her, she took my arm and we walked through the room in common conversation. I had determined on coming to an understanding with her however, as to whether she would permit my attentions in the future without any decisive answer. But in her want of certainty of my meaning, she did not take what I said in the way I intended, and as I thought I should be likely to lose the opportunity of ever disclosing my feelings, I turned round seriously with much meaning, and asked if she could possibly misunderstand me any farther. These words seemed suddenly to admit the light at once, and threw her into such a state of embarrassment, that it became too painful for both of us. She said in answer that she could not decide for herself, and that she would be glad to consult with her family before she went any farther, to which I immediately assented. And giving her an opportunity to join Mr. Van Buren, I took Mrs. Everett and walked off with her, to communicate the affair. She informed me that she thought all further proceedings should be stopped until the thing had been referred home. That she was appre•
hensive that her father2
would make some objection but she hoped it would not be such as to be decisive. Possibly my youth would be a consideration against his acting decisively in my favor. At any rate as this was rather a sudden thing and the place was a public one, she recommended to me to come up tomorrow and have some conversation at the house, which I agreed to do. I shall not pretend to describe my feelings. At my age and with my feelings the responsibility of such a step seems fearful, and although I am conscious that both her fortune and my own prospects are such as to prevent any uneasiness as to our condition in life, yet the circumstances of the case make it look like a very precipitate action, although really it has been weighed with more coolness than common in such concerns.
But this step has brought vividly to my recollection what my life here was fast destroying: the consciousness of the importance of time. When I consider the advantages and disadvantages of this connection so far as they may apply to me in a worldly point of view, I cannot but think that the former outweigh the latter in such a degree as to throw them out of sight. As a stimulus to my ambition, it will have very considerable effect, as a check upon my vagaries of independence it will be salutary. But more of this anon.