A fit of low spirits has come upon me, from what particular reason, I am not able to say. It originates perhaps with the feeling of irksome impatience occasioned by my situation in regard to the Brooks family, alluded to yesterday. I am tired of my engagement and the difficulties in the way of my visits to Abby. And heartily have I wished more than once that she had not a relation in the world. This is decidedly selfish and should not be indulged. All men suffer more or less from this disadvantage, and my only singularity is that I should be favoured with an unusual, and what is worse, an unexpected quantity. I hope Abby will not stay in town again till she is about to be married, if that time should ever come. My present arrangement is a pleasant one to me, for I see a great deal of her without any, or at any rate, much of the alloy. I cannot feel at home among her relations and there is an end of it.
I passed the larger part of the morning at the Office of the Middlesex Canal, gathering information of Mr. Eddy, and obtained enough to satisfy me for the present. I intend trying my hand at a paper upon this subject.1
Passed a part of the afternoon with Abby. Not very pleasantly for I was dull and restless. Interrupted by the arrival of Henry Brooks from New York. He has been absent a year, and looks thin. Went to the Office and wrote a letter to my Mother. It was short as my time was limited and it was not in very good humour as I was not. Evening, I went to Moot Court but found that there was none and felt exceedingly dull. Passed an hour at the Office but my fire was gone, and I was compelled to go home early.