Diary of Charles Francis Adams, volume 2

Thursday July 12th.

Saturday July 14th.

Friday July 13th. CFA


Friday July 13th. CFA
Friday July 13th.

Employed as usual. No letter from Abby again today. Quite provoked and nervous all day. A thunder storm in the evening. In a trivial conversation some little quarrel occurred between John and myself which elicited a long conversation and explanation of past transactions. Since the commencement of my residence here my feelings have been very much acted upon in an unfavourable way by the belief that he was pursuing a line of conduct of a very insidious and malevolent kind to me. This attended with an assumption of superiority also which produced the most aggravating effects. The constancy of these impressions had almost entirely alienated my feelings from him and I did not much care whether we parted at open war or not. He disavowed any such intentions however in a manner which left me little room for doubt and I had only the regret to discover that our misunderstanding had proceeded merely from his singularly unconciliating manners. I say regret, because I think that these same manners are very likely to be in the way very frequently in his future course.

If I do not draw instruction from the characters of my elder brothers it is my own fault. They have points of contrast verging to the extreme. In one there is an openness, a confidingness if there is such a word, which is always leading him to say and do foolish things. In the other there is an affected mystery which repels all the good feelings of the heart, the more unfortunate as it is not known by himself to produce the effects which it does. I was delighted to find that I was in error at least so far as the intention was concerned, and I trust that the circumstance may have some effect in opening his eyes. I shall go away from here with feelings as well disposed to him as they ever were, and this I scarcely expected. The scene was not a pleasant one.