Diary of Charles Francis Adams, volume 2

Monday. 9th.

Wednesday. 11th.

345 Tuesday. 10th. CFA


Tuesday. 10th. CFA
Tuesday. 10th.

Morning at the Office. Not very usefully occupied. I must again resume my old habits which my late way of life has had an injurious influence upon. Dropped in at Hilliard’s and purchased an annual for Abby. This day completes the two years since I offered myself to her acceptance. And by a singular because unintentional coincidence, the book was called the Anniversary. My feelings have changed with the times. I was then careless, luxurious and independent. I am now cautious, frugal and not my own master. I love Abby but like all lovers pass as much of my time in unhappiness as in pleasure, and above all have still more awful ideas of the future than ever. Mine is a mind fertile in expedients for self torment. And under a strong influence of depression I this evening laid down my soul in Prayer. Dined at Chardon Brooks’ with Abby which unfitted me for study in the afternoon, and returned in the evening. I am sure I feel exceedingly well disposed to every one, but I cannot relish evenings of this kind. And they grind my spirit. I cannot account for their influence. They all feel kindly to me, I believe, and I certainly feel no ill will to them, far from it, but there is a want of something which presses upon me with a rod of iron. Returned home in a snow storm which gives us token of more winter.