Brothers a Pair how fair ye, wt. Paine always rooting like a Hog with yr. Nose, why here's freind Treat.

What a Yelping you make here.

Yelping Brother, why Dogs will bark at the Moon & faith I believe you're Lunatick. Fol de dole de di dum de, cut me in two.

In short I believe you're the ofspring of Æolus & Venus, begotten by Froth & wind.

Then Troth Brother you're a Mill, for froth or Wind has set you agoing.

But whence came you in these high Airs?

High Airs: why I've been seeing my Girl.

Girl indeed, you'd better been at yr. Books.

& so people the world with maggots, ha.

Come Bob none of yr. flings, a learned maggot is better than an Apish Man. (I'm quite discouraged abt. you. Your so incessantly on the high Ropes theres no being composed with half a mile of you.) I dont think the world is benefitted by the Offspring of such volatile chaps. Nature works according to certain Rules, & those Rules must be carefully observed in all productions, wch. I am sure can't be by such as you who dont understand them.

Ay I suppose you'd handle a Wife with as much deliberation as you do a Folio. Make marginal Notes as you go along. For my part17 I think they're like a Song bear Singing once or twice & then call for another.

As to that I think they are like some Folios have but two or three things worthy remark in them & serve as a weight in the lower shelves to keep the upper ones from oversetting.

Come Freinds, methinks you stray wide from Reason in yr. Arguments & strike directly at the foundation of human happiness.

Happiness! In relation to Woman! How! Wt. possible Connection?

Why Freind Paine, I don't pretend to demonstrate by Algebra or to quot musty Folios for my authority, but it may easily appear that 'tis to the Conversation of Ladys that we owe those endearing Sentiments of Love Freindship, Benifience, Sharing each others troubles & participating Joys, wch. affords us all the Comfort we have in Life.

I say Comfort, if sharing Trouble be Comfort, 'tis like drinking up the Sea, every one may burst, & the Ocean be no ways emptyed.

For my Part I have but a poor Idea of this Freindship & Love & all that you talk off. If my Freind meets good Fortune, 'twill neer be the more for my meddling with it, & how can I say I am happy in my Freinds good Fortune wn. it does but put me in mid of my own want of it. I can't be happy in his good fortune unless he lets me share with him & then it is my good fortune as well as his & I rejoyce on that accot. As for Love, it seems to be both ungenrous & imprudent. To say I Love one Woman better than all the rest is at once to give her the Preeminence & Comparisons you know are odious & besides I reflect on the Judgmt. or Men of better Judgmt. How can one Woman be better than all the Rest? & if not why should my Regards be confin'd; & besides how imprudent to risque so rich a cargo as this Love must be by yr. Discription on one Woman, if she proves bad or dies or the like a man must commence bankrupt at once. Misterious Nature has confin'd us to this Earth by the Burthen of Woman, & it becomes us as a man who carrys a Pack to Shift them from Shoulder as best suits our Convenience. But this Love & Freindship you tell off subjects us to bear troubles we have nothing to do with while the Happiness it gives us is meerly fantastical & no better than that of a Dream. I think he only is happy who is pleased with himself & his own employments, for these he can depend upon & command, but yr.18 Sort of happiness Subjects a man to be happy and miserable at the same time if he has more freinds than one. But to say that all this high happiness is promoted by the Ladys has settled the point wth. me. 'Tis quite easy to guess wt. sort it is.

I don't know tho' as to that I'm of freind Treat's mind, for we read that this Beautifull World with all its agreeable qualifications was made out of Nothing.

Well, I'll say it between you both I'm like to be finely banter'd, but according to yr. own Skeme, the Ladys promote happiness for I doubt you think yr. Selves happy in yr. Jokes. But 'tis a Sign of a bad Cause wn. two such enemys as you, are forced to join to defend it, one more volatile than the Air, the other more unwieldy than the Earth: i.e. one too changeable to experience Joy, the other too dull to taste it, I must think that between you both lays the happiness I contend for. Wt. Satisfaction is there in hoards of Money wch. no body knows off & wch. we don't use? Why I think there is as little Good in a Magizine of Learning, wch. makes one Neither Stronger, nor handsomer, nor Merrier nor more usefull & serviceable to others, nor yet gains any Esteem or Praise from others, (unless as they Praise the Mountains of Peru as having Treasures in them wch. we know nothing off) for that wch. does not tend to better us in Some Shape, I must esteem as useless. But you deep plodding men, think yr. selves most eminent wn. you like Spiders retire into holes & corners to spin out yr. Bowells & really yr. performances like their's seldom tend to more use than to catch Flys; while the Bee that converses freely with the world, collects a Magazine of Sweets. Knowledge like the Air becomes useless unless put into Motion, but what shall move it if we have no use for it. 'Tis nothing then, but the Mutual Wants of Mankind that stirrs up Knowledge. If my Neighbour helps me by his Knowledge &c. I can't deny to help him, this is the first foundation of a Social Life, wch. branches out into various forms, & from Necessarys brings us to experience Joys wch. hang intirely on the Converse of Mankind, this produces an Intimacy. Those that are the most serviceable & the most agreable we like the best, & if they assist & please us we can but wish their happiness, because if they loose it, we also loose something that pleased us & assistd us therefore if we value our own pleasure & Comfort we must grieve wn. Such a person looses his happiness.

This Freind Paine is the mighty thing you so disclaim, in fact you like the good Effects of Freindship in others, but find no obligation to return it. If the freind that has afforded you real Comfort is troubled; you cry 'tis nothing to you, tho' perhaps your kind condolence might serve him & you fell that Joy which springs in every genirous Mind. No forsooth heres a great folio to be read, Time's precious & thus like a certain Animal that collects the choicest fruits only to bury them in the Earth.

But yr. Spight seems to be chiefly levelled agt. the Ladys for that I said tis owing to their Conversation that the endearing Sentiments of Love, frendship, &c. do chiefly spring. They can be productive of nothing good I know but one Argument to prove that; wch. is their producing you, & yet you think man is happy without them. One would have thought that yr. deep Learning would have taught you so much Skill in Anatomy as that Man is not compleat alone. To be sure you want many Embellishmts. wch. the Ladys would afford you but like a huge Machine you stand still for want of a Spring. If you insist that Man is so divinely Superior, suppose it, why then I say, Man like the choice Gold, needs the fire of the female to melt him from his Native dross & dirt & form him into the most usefull & agreable Shapes. Their delicacy, Softens our Natural Roughness, as the warm sun allays the Tempests in Winter. With them we fancy pleasures wch. perhaps have no existence, but wt. is the happiness of yr. Books but meer Imagination, this is more agreable & cost less Trouble.

Stop stop Freind you'd run too fast, give you but Time & you'd make one believe there's no possible happiness without Woman. I don't know wt. sort of a heaven you expect, surely not that where there's neither marrying nor giving in marriage, 'tis quite evident you are not Inclined for such an one. I think there's a difference between being pleas'd with a thing that has no Existence & one that is but meer Imagination, the Imagination is the Images the Mind paints of agreable Objects & must be as durable as the Mind, the other are accidental Circumstances & must be as Uncertain as Beauty, favour &c. The pleasures of Contemplation & a retired Life result only from the harmonious State of the Mind, which being procured admits of no disappointmt. As we expect no20 Praise, no pleasure, nor any Joy from others so we are not disappointed in their not paying to us, while you, banded bandied abt. on the Caprice of every Fools humour (call 'em pretty fools if you please), can boast on other happiness than that wch. arises from Uncertainty: for if happiness as you say consists in pleasing those you are with, most precarious must be yr. Joy, for who can tell how to please those that don't know wn. they are pleasd themselves.

Pah Pah Pah I find you know nothing abt. it. You think a Woman is like a Mathematical Problem, that can be Solved but one way. Why if flirting won't do, fall to Pidding, if they still continue reserved, address them on the Topicks of Beauty, Belle Air & the Beau Monde. If that should chance to fail, immediately Sing a Love Song with double Meanings, wch. will force one smile at least. Continue yr. attack & discribe some raking frolick & give dark hints of this, that, & 'tother proceeding & you'll soon see which takes best. Persue it, & you'll not fail to afford great pleasure & consequently gain much Esteem, Unless the charming one be determined to keep you at an ampell distance to carry on some other Scheme. If so you must have resort to yr. last & never failing Weapon, wch. conquers all opposition & subdues the most Rigorous Obstinacy, & that is, turn the discourse to those of their Acquaintance especially those that are famous for any Game these excell in & value themselves for, give Soft hints of Defects "aye which in any body else wold be plain enough; however over where it is, their pretended Wit, beauty, Gentility wont bear examining. Ms quite shody?, a mear outside Shew & I believe they are only flatterd to quiet their Envy & Pride wch. wold otherwise be unsufferable." If their be any Pike pique? Subsisting, give some hints Relating to it, hints I say, for they like Blanks may be fill'd up by the Lady's Vanity. But no Arguments, for then, tho' you state the case to her best advantage, yet you may miss some trifle wch. has the greatest Weight with her & so by dint of good Sence you loose your End. Scandall must always be cloathed in folly, like the Pestilence it walks in the dark: & wn. properly applied never fails to open every Avenue, & admit one to the most engaging Freindship. Who so good who so great a Freind as they that curse my Enemies is their Maxim, to wch. all Prior Engagemts. yeild, Ney even Engagements made by dint of Scandall, for Weomen21 like Weathericks turn to them that scandlize the last. Immediately on this, yr. Joy is compleat, none so wise so learned, so engaging & wt. not as you, will be the say behind yr. back, sure every body courts his Company. Well in fact wn. you have got to this Pitch you have Nothing to do but to renew yr. Joy on Some other Lady phaps. her Antagonists, & so again & again on dozens well wth. the Consequence, why all the Ladys are in Love with you & Praise you whereever they go. Suppose them all met, well how? so agreable or not Such an One; each may consent to it, reflect disgrace on the rest, & yet each one will think her Judgment confirm'd by it & value you the more. Thus you are the happyest man living nothing but good Natured things said of you wch. you procure by dint of saying Ill natured things of them. Well but suppose they find you out, as is Most probable, for Scandal is Nothing unless Communicated, like a disease breath'd in it will break out; why if you rotated instead of having New Ladys to look out you have the same to play the same Card on again wch. may only be done as at first; & can this be deny'd to be happiness, surely by those whose Pride is not Proof to Praise. This is the Freindship Treat speaks of, keep in wth. every ones humour & you'll never fail to please them.

Stop Stop, dont pawn such Doctrine on me. I will never poison my Freind to please him. I can have no Freindship for them who regards me only as I feast their Vanity. Merit only is the Object of Praise, & whatever I behold contrary thereto we should kindly counsell & faithfully Reprove, but if we Indulge any of their Vices we become their real Enemy, while we support them in those things wch. render them Unworthy respect. This is wt. no Rational person would expect so that to please is not so difficult a Matter as you make it, nor so hair brain'd a Figary as Bob makes it; yet we must observe this Distinction to please a Freind one must act truly Rational Sincerly, to please mankind one must act the civil inoffensive part adding benevolence & affability as Circumstances admit. The 1st will interest us in all the Joys of our Freind the last will render us respected by all. Nor is this Freindship I commend so fantastical as you would represent it. It is to the World wt. the Soul is to a Man the Spirit & Beauty of the whole. It is that wch. in an imperfect degree is enjoy'd by all tho'22 its anallogic pleasures are percev'd? only by the few who cultivate it. Like true Music wch. consists not in one single Note however agreable in itself, so Freindship results from a harmonious regulation & mixture of all the Passions. Therefore there must be the delicacy of the Lady to soften the roughness of a Masculine Soul, without wch. however rational & sincere, twould still be defective, as music may be true & yet very harsh. From their Delicacy we collect those Fonder Sentiments wch. dispense wth. formality & Punctilio of honour wch. reduce us from high Overgrown Schemes of one knows not what to regard the Indearing Offices of Life wch. unite the Soul in the closest bands.

I cannot contrive where you find such Ladys, you're very lucky or I very much not so, for my part.

Find 'em why they're plenty enough, you'll find but few but would persuade the man 'tis better to gallant them to Balls, Assemblys &c, then to join in the most Enterprising Scheme to reduce the Enemy. Lawn, Gauze, Flounce, & the Dell knows wt. Gew Gaws are the delicate things wth. wch. they would Soften our Roughness, & wn. a Man is compleatly equip'd wth. these Gilguy2 Trappings he's just fixt to dispense with all the Punctilio of Business, Honor, not to say honesty & commonsense.

Bob you'll will rattle. For my part I must own the force of a great deal you say tho' I still think you carry yr. matters too far. This, tenderness & delicacy & all that you tell off, it is derived from the Ladys so I say it belongs to them let 'em keep it. I think Sincerity & Reason quite Sufficient to express the whole obligation. The one teaches us to treat our freind as we would be treated in like Circumstances & the other will not suffer us to dissemble wch. this Tenderness inclines us too & seems to be Reason relax'd. If you mean the Ladys are good Monitors phaps. I must grant it, if they are possessed of wt. they should admonish us. Upon the whole Freind Tasso I'm much dispos'd to alter my Sentiments in Some respects, & don't doubt but by Conversing upon this Topic we may both of us come Nearer the Truth than we are at present. You shall become season'd with my sage Stoicism wch. will keep you from being troubled with wt. don't concern you, & with a proper Tincture of yr. Freindship I may learn to communicate to others some of that happiness I feel in myself.

Well but Gentlefolks whats to be done with me, I feil Something like a Convert as long as it lasts.

Aye as to that I can't say how long thine will last. The first Folio I expect will spoil it all, but Freind Tasso I think we both of us Need a portion of Honest Bob's Spirit. There are times seems to me wn. it will do well. You're too tender & soft to do great things & I'm too dull and speculative. A little of Bob will set all agoing.

All agoing, fact that's a good Word to leave off with. I'll stay no longer, for between you both I'm become neither one thing or another.