On Wensdaye the 24th of Marche 1618–19, Margaret my wife was delivered of a sonne, whereof I desire to leave this testimonye of my thank­fullnesse unto God, that she being above 40 houres in sore travayle, so as it beganne to be doubtful of hir life, yet the Lord sent hir a safe deliverance. Heerby I had occasion to finde the great power and benefite of prayer: for Mr. Sands first prayeing with hir in hir trouble, and after myselfe, it pleased God (althoughe she was not delivered many houres after) yet to increase hir strengthe, and afterwards, I perceiving hir danger, I humbled myselfe in fastinge and mourninge, I searched my heart for some sinnes, and made up my peace with my God, and so getting a more large and melting heart to goe unto the Lord, I sett myselfe to prayer, and gave not over untill God had sent hir deliverance.

The daye after hir deliverance she was taken with a burning feaver, which heald hir so, as that after the viiith daye was passed my Cosin Duke made little reconinge of hir life, but within one daye after, beinge the 10th daye of hir sicknesse, diverse godly ministers meetinge togither did in their prayer remember hir case in particular, and that very daye and houre (as neere as might be guessed) she founde a sensible release of hir disease. The Lord be blessed forevermore.

Aug. 22, 1619. I had been drawne from my stedfastnesse, and walked in an unsettled course, for the space of a yeare and more, before this tyme: I had made diverse attempts to returne againe, but they still vanished, my zeale was cooled, my comfort in heavenly things was gone, I had no ioye in prayer, nor in the Sabaothe, nor in Gods word, nor in the Communion of Saints, or if I had any, it was so soone gone, as it was not to be regarded; and now it pleased God to open mine eyes againe upon a Sabaothe daye, and I founde the cause of all to be, that I had againe embraced this present worlde, eagerly pursuinge the delights and pleasures of it, and I might easyly observe that as the love of the world prevayled, so the love of God and all goodnesse decayed. Heerupon (by Gods grace) I have againe resolved to renounce this worlde, and to holde in my affections to the love and estimation of heavenly things; the Lord in mercye inable me hereunto.

It is a policie of Sathan to discourage us from duty by settinge before us great appearances of danger, difficulty, impossibilitie, etc, which when we come to examine or make triall of, are found indeed to be nothinge so; but even as a foole being tyed by a thredd or a strawe, thinkes himselfe unpossible to stirre, and therefore stands still, so dothe Sathan make advantage of our foolishe and fear full disposition. In these discouragements etc, it is sufficient oft tymes to sett us at libertie, if we doe but consider that it is the tempter, etc.

When I thinke it were good (in some particular pleasures, etc) for the peace of my Conscience, to leave suche or suche a thinge undone, etc, it is a usuall obiection of my heart—But I shall gaine nothinge by leavinge it etc: so as I see it is good for a man to applie to himselfe that promise of God to Ab: I am thy exceedinge great reward: and with Moses to have respect to the recompence of the Reward: Heb: II. and therefor to have the eye of Faithe allwayes fixed upon life ever lastinge, for by nature we are all disposed to saye as the wicked in Job: What profite shall we have, etc:

It appeares by divers precepts of God to Israell, Deut vi. 7, of talkinge with their children etc, about God, and by the practice of the faithfull in the tymes of persecution, that we should have religion in as familiar practice as our eatinge and drinkinge, dealings about earthly affaires etc, and not to tye it onely to the exercises of Divine worship, which makes that there is so little free speeche of heavenly matters, and that men are readye to blushe at the speakinge or hearinge thereof, as if it were some streininge of modestye.

1620: Aprill 7: beinge frydaye. About one of the clocke in the morninge Adam my sonne was borne.

I have cause for ever to remember the goodnesse of the Lo: and the power of prayer, for my wife beinge in longe and very difficult travaile I humbled my selfe in earnest prayer to God for hir, and beinge in the next chamber, as I arose from prayer I heard the child crye. I desire of God, I may make more accompt of prayer, havinge so ofte founde the sweet successe of it. I perceive the Lo: will keepe faithfully his promises with his Children.

I haue founde that a man may master and keepe under many corrupt lusts by the meere force of reason and morall considerations (as the heathen did) but they will returne again to their former strength: there is no way to mortifie them but by faithe in Christ, and his deathe: that as he, when sinne etc, had him at the greatest advantage in the grave, yet then gate the full victorie of sinne etc, by arisinge from under it; so a Christian beinge in him by faithe, is made really partaker of his Conquest.

1620–21. Januarye 12. Ridinge throughe Boxford with Mr. Gurdon in his coache,2 my sonne Henrye beinge with me and one of Mr. Gurdons men, enteringe into the towne the coachmen was throwne off and the horses ranne throughe the towne over logges and highe stumpes untill they came upon the causye right against the Churche, and there were snarled in the logges, etc; and the coache beinge broken in peeces, toppe, botom and sides, yet by Gods most mercifull providence we were all safe: blessed be his holy name.

The water of Bethlem that David offered unto God was not an offeringe that had any promise of acceptance, neither for the worth of it could challenge any: yet (no doubt) it was well pleasinge unto God, because it was a deniall of himselfe for Gods sake in that particular lust of his; we many tymes have the lesse heart to beat downe our particular lusts in thinges that are indifferent, or of so smale consequence as we think that God will have no respecte to us for it. But afterwards even in suche thinges God is well pleased that we doe denye our selves, and the sacrificinge of any longinge affection to the Love of our God (though it be but either a little water, an apple, a triflinge pleasure, etc,) is of greater account with him then some workes of a farre more glorious appearance.

Many thinges which fall out by the ordinarye course of nature etc, are not easylye discerned to be guided by any speciall providence of God, as the Eclipses of the Sunne etc, thunders, tempests, etc, the effects whereof are ofte very strange; but God who had from the beginninge determined of suche effects, did withall appointe that the course of naturall causes should concurre at the same tyme: so that heerby his glory is the greater, in effectinge thinges extraordinary, and yet not changing the order of causes. Thus when God in iustice hathe appointed that a wicked man shalbe cut off, he hath withall appointed that suche a disease, suche a battail etc, or age it selfe shall concurre at the same instant for effecting of it, so that thoughe he dye of meer age, yet he dies by the force of Gods judgment. So when God sayes that the righteous men are taken awaye from the evill to come, and we see good men against such ill tymes die of pure age, yet it is truely fullfilled that they are taken away from the evill to come; for he who had determined of the occasion of their takinge awaye, had determined allso, that they should be borne with age fitt for that occasion.

yt hath pleased the Lord to take out of this wreched lyfe my most Christian and loving wyfe2 wherby I am deprived of the chiefest comfort of my Lyfe, and left a most disconsolate and deiectid man at once bereft of a faythfull and trusty yokefellow a trew counsellor a great motiue to all goodnes a stay to my howse and loving companion my sorrowes cannot be expressed nor I relieud with any comfort but from that overflowing fountayne of comfort christ Jesus agaynst which my frayle nature and violent Passiones do strongly fight you may tell me tis selfe loue that governes me, for shee is most happy and enioyes a blessed mansion to which hir actiones and course of lyfe hath bin long directid: but I a wretched weak man both in body and mind that hoped she should haue closed my dying eyes surviue yf this may be called a lyfe seperated from that next mine owne soule I hold in deerest account but I am a shadow and no man and haue drunke a bitter potion of Gods Judgmentes which my sinnes haue long cald for I now send you this Messinger to know yf you please to performe this last duty to your deceased sister in seing hir corpes 239safely disposed till yt shalbe vnited to hir blessed sowle in glory or yf you or hir frendes will advise me in this my weak estate to whom I will chiefly leane to for councell next vnder God and do Intreat you even for godes cawse and your trew christian loue to my distressed self and my deare wyfe if you will giue me leaue to comend to your care my litle ones and their estate for that my weaknes contineweth and I do beleeue my stay here is not longe more I cannot write but sorrowfull remembrances and loue and duty to you my father and Mother and so expect to heare from you.

this present saboath betweene ij and iij my wyfe departid and on wednesday in after noone I purpose to comitt hir body to the earth, yours what I am